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April 25th, 2005

01:03 pm - Im suing GSU for pre traumatic stress syndrome Ugh, I get like this every year before finals. Emotional-check. Irritated-check. Stressed to the max because I need 30 hour days instead of 24-check. If I sat down and did everything right out, I'd be fine. But lets face it, that ain't happenin. All I want to do is workout, go to the pool, and booze. Two weeks and my fantasies will come true and that is exactly what Ill be doing, but for now stress city. By the way, why is it so fucking cold outside? Cannot talk cannot write, have to go and "be productive". I hope I get hit by a bus...J Current Mood: cranky

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April 20th, 2005

12:01 pm - A Wholly New Holy Man Yesterday the world was introduced to our new pope. After only four ballots (means four voting intervals until a unanimous vote was passed) Joseph Ritzinger from Germany became the religious world leader. He is being called Pope Benedict the XVI. It was spectacular, the velvet curtains opened and out walked a humble seventy year old man with a shy smile and kind eyes walked out and waved to millions of followers. I, not even a Catholic, was deeply moved. His first words as the worlds pope was "Brothers and Sisters, today, the cardinals elected me, me a simple, humble servant in the vineyard of the Lord". Love it. Love iiit. Now as I was doing a little research on the matter I came across the process of naming the Pope. After they are elected, and they agree to be pope, their next move is to pick a name. Many had their money on him continuing with John Paul II's legacy and being called John Paul the III. But then after all of John Paul II's work, they are now wanting to call him John Paul the great so how could anyone come on stage after an act like that. So basically they look back at all the popes and religious figures that came before them and decide which name they identify with. There is a long list of popes named John, Peter for the rock of the church and the first pope ever and even those who name themselves after virtues such as Innocent and Pious. So, Joseph of Germany completely surprised everyone by picking Benedict which means blessing. Benedict XV turned away from the previous popes liberal views and it is said that Joseph is very conservative so could this be a sign of the times? They say "Nomen est Omen"-a name is a sign (which stems from Roman emporers taking on names to represent their rule) so we shall see. All this has drastically called me back into my Catholic wannabe days and has me questioning my new Jewish wannabe status. Can you be a catholic and still not believe in Jesus? I think not. Hmmm. I'll have to research more. Truly momentous though. I for some reason remember some prophecy by Nostradamus stating that the world would end when some sort of pope was elected with some sort of name and this that and the other, Ill have to look at that. They say that Benedict XVI will most likely be our last European pope because the European world has turned away from the Catholic faith and most of the cardinals are now Latin American and South African due to their high concentration of Catholocism there. Interesting. Im not a racist, but lets face it that would be weird. Enough for now, Im getting dirty stares at work from the soccer moms in the other cubicals. God I hate corporate america. Current Mood: optimistic

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April 16th, 2005

09:48 pm - thank God for small favors Last night could have possibly been the worst night ever. But I guess a little drama never hurt nobody and everyone is home safe and sound and "the two" are having discussions upstairs. Im glad they're talking this one through, too good of a pair to waste the whole thing on one fight. But all this has gotten me thinking about decisions and relationships. In life, I have learned, there is no guarantee and that you should treat people as if they may leave tomorrow. I lost my heart a year and a half back because I stopped caring enough to think of what I was saying. I was lazy, unsympathetic, unromantic and I took it all for granted. I knew that no matter what I said he'd be there in the morning. And then...he left. For good. Who'd a thought. It took me a very long time to realize what that four long years was for. What had I learned? What was the point? Why me? And then I met a boy from a state where they have no "R's" in their words and they wear coats 9 months out of the year and everything I was questioning came into full view. I was attentive. I never spoke words I didn't mean. I laughed more, cried less and had more fun than I ever had before. He doesn't know half of what I think or how much he matters, but for me, this state is a little emptier without him. It is awful that today you have to have your heart wrenched out, spit on and kicked for you to really learn how to treat someone. Hopefully one day I will be lucky enough to be called a girlfriend again and when that time comes, I'll never treat him less than gold. I will celebrate his presence daily and he will never want for anything. Indeed, finding the boy that wants me on his arm is half the battle, but when that happens, I will do my best to make him look at me and know he's home. I am such as waste as a single girl, because Im too romantic to settle for less than what Im looking for and too good to just sleep around and "have fun". But I love the night life and the cocktails and the random adventures of being a single girl, but I prefer the term party girl as opposed to single girl. I think about the future and I can't wait for the endless adventures that relationships bring. A certain someone feels that life ends with the word "girlfriend" but to me life begins. I want a man that I can party with, be scandalous with, go to strip clubs with, eat wonderful food with, travel with, and never become mundane with. Life is an adventure in itself and to have someone to share those experiences with is a gift. Maybe it takes one good relationship to show someone that, for me, it took one bad one. So Ill live my life and slap on a smile, but at the end of the day Ill be wating for "you", whoever you are. Current Mood: sleepy

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April 15th, 2005

12:33 pm - There is no good in goodbyes... We found out that my father's ex-wife died this past week. He already knew which was weird so he sent his postcard as usual (very romantic actually, every time they lost touch or got angry with eachother, my dad would send a blank post card in an envelope and she would send just the postcard back to him. No words, there was never anything to say. Just needed to know eachother were there.), but had to call and check after he didn't hear from her. Strange that he was right. Just woke up one day and knew she was gone. Jeannie had been battling skin cancer for quite some time and was in an awful lot of pain, so her passing is almost a relief. But still, I cannot help but think that my fathers heart is broken. It was a marriage that was incredible from day one, but faded as they both changed. When they woke up married to other people, it was too late to fix what fate had thrown them. My father always loved her. I see right through him. I feel so bad for my ma because he will never devote himself to her like he did Jeannie. So I have to love my mom twice as much for both of us. Which I do. My dad is not a religious man but told me this morning that he plans to meet up with her again. I hope so. Ma can live with me and my Barbie dream house in Heaven. There is always room for your mother, especially when she's as swell as mine. Anyways, I have been thinking of true love all day long. So intangible, but yet we chase it more than life, fame or fortune. I honestly believe that Jeannie and my dad were soul mates, just the wrong lifetime. It is sad that you can be someones soul mate and shit still not work out, I guess when people change, people change, and there is no way getting around that. My father is my hero. My unending critic, confidant, and biggest fan. He is always the loudest one in the stands for me and will be the first one to tell me I fucked up. I would be twice as much the debutant spoiled "la contessa" I am without his constant reality checks. I also would not be half as much of a sarcastic asshole smartass without him either. I love my mother and she will always be the backbone that holds me up, but my father is my soul that keeps me alive. I am coming to the realization that no man will ever, ever be good enough because no man could ever, ever walk in my fathers shoes. I am not in love with my father if that's what you're thinking about sicko-but honestly, I have yet to find a man who compares. Maybe this is why I struggle with dating. They are never funny enough, or committed enough, or loud enough, or sweet enough or ambitious enough. I know Im no catch, but I do have standards and unfortunately I honestly doubt they will ever be met. I am hopeful though, always optimistic. My poor pop. He says he has a heart of steel and that they said their goodbyes in August. Can you imagine saying goodbye to someone before they died? How awful. This was not a goodbye or a badbye, this was a see you soon I believe. Death is a crazy thing that makes you think. Makes you cry, makes you wonder, and I think even my father, the man of steel, cannot shut himself out of this one. So to Jeannie, wherever you are, he'll catch you on the flip side. Farewell... Current Mood: sympathetic

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April 13th, 2005

11:32 am - must be the heat.... Thank God for the rain last night even though I felt like I was caught driving in a monsoon in Vietnam. Maybe now when you look at a map of the U.S. Georgia will no longer be colored yellow from the pollen. Another semester of slacking off is coming to an end which means that summer is almost here. I love summer. Something about the way it feels on your skin. Everyone looks different in summer either from their tans or they're sleeping more or they're just generally more happy. I think maybe all three for me. And have you ever noticed that people tend to date more in the summer? It's like the entire state of Georgia is in heat and we're all looking for someone to hide out with all winter long. So many great memories are resurfacing as if they have been in hibernation all winter as well. Me and the ladies went to the Highlands on Sunday for some drinks and boy shopping. Since we had never been we really didn't know what to expect. It is like young executive/debutante mecca. Everyone was so chill and relaxed and happy and the place was incredible. This string of bars with people floating in and out all with smiles on their faces. At Noche, there was dollar Dos Equis and the bar was truly beautiful. I got a WHOLE BEER dumped down my pants and I didn't even care because it was too much fun to worry about pants. After five beers only costing me 1 dollar (you do the math)we headed next door to Fontaines for 50 cent oysters. These babies were so fat and big I had to try one just because they looked so big and tasty. They weren't ( Im not a huge fan of Oysters) but they were the best Ive ever tasted. I like crackers and cocktail sauce (and Im a good 5 beers in)so I had a couple more. We sat on the balcony with some friends of Ashlyns and chilled until nightfall. Its time to go and we walk outside right into last summer. ITs like time just picked up where it left off last year. We ran into these guys we hung out with last summer (just as friends) but the flirtations picked up where they left off and left us all with a strange sense of deja-vu that we didn't mind indulging ourselves in. Harmless as these guys were, it was an amazing bookmark in me and my girls fun together that was weird to see again. Summer does that to people. Summer is one giant time warp where there are summer traditions, summer friends, and summer actions that go away for the entire year and come back with a vengance in April and we all pretend like its been there all the time. Summer is my best friend and like best friends they fade and they change but when they are ready to come back, I am always here with open arms. There are 7,776,000 seconds in summer and I plan on not wasting a single one. So grab your Coronas, put on your sunglasses, don't forget your loudest laugh and I'll meet you all by the pool. Fiesta! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: clocks by coldplay

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April 8th, 2005

02:10 pm - Its the weekend! First and foremost, my apologies for last nights wasted entry. But I do not dwell in the past, so moving on. I feel like I'm ten years old again and soooo excited for the weekend! I have nothing to do except try to sneak into the Braves game tonight because I can't find tickets, drink beer on my balcony with the BESTEST of friends, read a good book for class, get my tires rotated for free from my parents and sleep til hell freezes over! Surprisingly, this is nothing compared to what I'm used to on the weekends (i.e. Zeta). Last night was Faith's birthday and it was wonderful! Faith is one of the few Zeta's that has survived socially with having a class during chapter time. Usually these girls fall off the face of the earth and she is just as wonderful as she was a year ago. It was good to see her wasted! She kept signing her name on everything because she said she wanted to see how bad her signature was the next day. Weird. So I gave her a shot of water and told her it was vodka to make her feel like she was still partying. Happy Birthday big girl. Sadeer professed his undying love for me again last night. Poor guy. Jordan, my stalker, called and before I realized it wasn't Jordan Howard my sister I picked up the phone to hear his monotone attempt to ask me on a date. I told him I was busy (truth) and maybe we could do it some other time (lie) and he made some attempt to ridicule me that I was lying to him (truth). I don't understand his jokes and I don't like unfunny people. Period. I got annoyed and let him go, and I don't think he was happy about that but I wouldn't have known since the pitch of his voice never changes. Yikes. They say girls are crazy, but we as people must be evolving because you boys are some crazy fucks. Hey, this kid alone has given me enough weird stories to tell when I'm drunk at parties for a lifetime! Anyways, gotta go home and put my BoSox shirt on and go to the Braves game and drink my million dollar a cup beer and pretend Im not thinking about my favorite baseball player. No, me Johnny Damon broke up last year, so its someone else folks! HAve a fantastical day, and I'll catch you on the flip side... Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson

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02:29 am - maragrita and a heart on the rocks... So I;m home from the bars and its another pointless night on the town. I mean for fuck's sake I'll be single FOR LIFE!!! Im not hideous, me and my friends are a riot, what the hell is missing? I literally had a guy turn on his heels and walk away tonight because I told him I was a fourth year. Haha. damn freshman. Anyways, it just sucks being a single smart girl that doesn't put out on the first date. Definately hurts my chances when I can multiply and still count my sex partners on one hand, ya know. Im starting to think its not me that is the problem, it's the guys. Seriously! Where are the nice cute guys, (not hot, I can't handle that) with a great personality and kick ass sense of humor and chivalry. Did I lose him years ago or is he still living in a state 1100 miles away? My God. I am so disapointed in the youth of today. I don't want to get married tomorrow, I just want a goodnight phone call. I used to have one, but I'm not sure he still wants to pick up the phone. So, goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight to all the single wonderful girls who go out night after night and come home without a chance in the world to find Mr. Right. Sometimes Mr. Right Now is the last thing you want. Goodnight, they say fate will take its course, but I think of course this is my fate. Either way, C'est la vie! Current Mood: drunk

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April 4th, 2005

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April 1st, 2005

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12:38 pm - Ta Da!!! Happy April...another month down, a million more to go. Why is it that time seems to go by faster when you pay your own bills. Some sort of independance time warp or something. Raining like persians and poodles out, hopefully will clear up soon. Wow. first journal entry and all I have to talk about is the weather! Ha. All for now, Ill be back when I have something clever to write about...or boys, whichever comes first... Current Mood: blah

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